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Thursday, July 24, 2008

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Gathering Gloom

A gathering gloom of dark despair ? never sleeping, always searching, continuously working to undo the fabric of hope and dominate over all things good, with depressing self-loathing malice of stifling proportion. It calls all it?s strength to forge it?s will to rob the self of love and serenity, using deceit, anger, and host of weapons to feed on the energy and life force of the heart.

I was first learnt of it?s powers when remorse, heavy and crushing laid on me for weeks and I still feel it?s powers to this day when I recall my past while under the influence of the dark powers that dominated over me and ruled my thoughts for so many days on end.

Lured by a false sense of super-human strengths, the doom gives false courage, and is a tricksy evil that somehow convinces my inner self that while it is slowly taking my inner soul captive, it masks this deed with glimmering carelessness and feelings of euphoria that distract me and before long I am captured by the intoxication, and the gathering doom has me enslaved, with no escape, but time.

I got out of the house this morning, dressed to ride to work, and just after I stepped onto the driveway to go get the bike, this shitty weather told me I wasn't going to ride again today. I threw up my hands in frusration and closed the door to the shed, and stomped back to the house to get the keys to the van.

I stopped before the door, eying the skies, and marched back to the shed, threw open the doors, and the mist in the air turned to a full-fledged rain, with some wind added in to give me another reminder that once more I would NOT be riding today. I closed the doors to shed, again, in disgust, and plodded to the van with my head hung low, wishing I didn't live in this area, where summers are plagued with rain and 60 degree temperatures..

Fucking shit.. Fuck-fucky-fuck!

Rainy Thursday

Since there's really nothing going on this morning where I don't have to be running my ass off, or being somewhere at a certain time, except 12:00 for work, I have some time to write in the blog.

So, I'll fire up a boro, and do some key bashing, hopefully without any distractions.

I have call Paul, and find out what we can do about the bike I was approved for, since I have no money now, it's probably best to let him sell it to someone else who had thier eye on it, and try to save money for another one. It's hard to do, though, as we are fairly tight when it comes to expenses, and things, so I guess I'll have to be grateful I have the Yamaha, which is in need of some repairs now too.

The front tire that I recently purchased is out of balance, so on Saturday I will have to take it to Don George's to have it balanced, or whatever else is needed to make it stop 'bobbling' at high speeds.

I have the legal paperwork from the lawyers now, and will take it to work to sign off for Greg to be the executor of the estate, so we can proceed with dealing with Dad's death. I have access to a Notorary Public at work, and will have her stamp it before I have to return it to the legal folks.

There's so much happening in my life right now - it's all a blurr, and I can't seem to focus on one thing. I've got a million distractions, there's no peace except when I think of the good times while Dad was alive. I need to keep those memories fresh, and I want to make a photo collage of my Dad, sort of a memorial of sorts so I have to collect as many pictures as I can to do this. The living memorial on the website at
mem.com is nice, but I need more.

So, I'll contact Greg, and maybe go over there sometime before the weekend to collect up all the pictures so I can make a website to honor Dad. A nice project, I think. I think I'll call it jimsys.com or something like JimFlemingMemorial.com I'll have to talk it over with Greg to see what we can do together as a family effort. I think it would be a good thing, so others can know my father was a great man.

Well, it's going to be an interesting day, I hope to make good on my promises to stay sober another day, which means I have to use the tools that are laid out before me.

Now that all the ABATE events for our chapter are ended, I can concentrate on other things. One is to make a decision if I am going to join the Bar King Spiders Band. If I were to join, I would be pretty busy doing that, and while it's a bar scene most of the time, I think my program is strong enough to be able to do it as long as my spiritual focus remains true. That I am playing in this band to enjoy the music, and make some extra money doing it as well. I know Patti doesn't approve of my playing, but I think I am now ready to take on such a responsibility, and the fun wouldn't be too bad either. Of course it cannot interfere with my work schedule either.

Ok, back to other things now, and I will add more to this blog later today..

Ananova - Women MPs back stripping footballers

You Go Girls!

Ananova - Man tries to sue over orgy

Since I switched with someone at work to attend the Western District Meeting in Corfu last night, I'll be working the 12-8:30pm shift tonight at work, which means I have to miss the social ride tonight! Oh well, rain is in the forecast (what else is new).

Weather Update for July 14th! Storm activities continue!

THE NowCast FORECAST FOR THE NIAGARA FRONTIER. AT 415 PM,
SCATTERED SHOWERS AND THUNDERSTORMS CONTINUED OVER MUCH OF THE REGION. A CLUSTER OF STORMS OVER THE NIAGARA PENINSULA MOVING NORTHEAST, SHOULD REACH NIAGARA FALLS, GRAND ISLAND, YOUNGSTOWN AND LEWISTON AROUND 430 PM, AND POSSIBLY THE BUFFALO METRO AREA. IT WILL CONTINUE ACROSS NIAGARA AND NORTHERN ERIE COUNTIES REACHING SANBORN, NORTH TONAWANDA, AND WILLIAMSVILLE AROUND 445 PM, AND LOCKPORT, RAPIDS AND CLARENCE CENTER AROUND 5 PM IF IT HOLDS TOGETHER. SOME OF THESE STORMS MAY CONTAIN DOWNPOURS, GUSTY WINDS FREQUENT LIGHTNING AND POSSIBLY HAIL. RAIN FALL AMOUNTS MAY REACH 1 INCH OR MORE IN SOME LOCATIONS, SO BE ON THE ALERT FOR POSSIBLE POOR DRAINAGE
FLOODING AND PONDING ON ROADS. SHOWERS AND STORMS WILL CONTINUE ACROSS THE REGION THROUGH 630 PM.

Back to work

After being off for more than a week, it's back to work for this little black duck.. I'm finding it difficult to get back in the swing, and it's even harder when I'm still reeling from Dad's death... Time heals all wounds they say, but this one is going to need alot of time, indeed..

I'll give a full report on the ride when I have some free time later in the week..

Oh, and by the way Scott, you have to start work tomorrow at 9am, so don't forget, and write it down to constantly remind yourself that you have to be to work at 9am, because you can't be late for this very important meeting at 9am on Wednesday, July 14th, 2004. So, just a friendly reminder that 9am is your starting time for the 9am meeting tomorrow.

Pennsylvania's Retreat

I'll fill in all the details of the weekend's ride to Kane PA, and other points in Pennsylvania later today. Just logging in, to let you know we're safe and sound, and enjoying the splendor of the Aleghany forest.