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Sunday, July 06, 2008

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HardTalesMag.com gets the events database

Picked up another client today, who is using my events database application on thier website, http:/www.hardtalesmag.com is now subscribed to the events database application, and will hopefully pull more business this way as a partner result.

So, the list grows:

http://www.dragonzlaircustomcycles.com
http://www.hardtalesmag.com

Who's next??

Darwin Awards

The Darwin Awards

Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees this year, in reverse order are:

7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.
Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house
down, killing both him and his sister.

6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward.

5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle. Fairfax
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end to
the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone
because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground,"
Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.

2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all
potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon
entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of
the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician, suspected of causing the blast, had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

AND THE WINNER...

1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and
one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside.
To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, which he was using to balance himself. Sanchez
was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome was asked to leave the course.

Note: This last one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have allowed it.

If I were a brave man and thought this might have a constructive result I'd put these words (anonymously) into the suggestion box.

I don't want TECH TIME. I want the money.
I want overtime not excuses.
I want real rewards not a pat on the head.

I don't want the excuse, that's the way the rest of the business world does it because we are world class, not run of the mill.

I want a monetary reward for staying 10 hours REGARDLESS of whether I've called in sick that week or not. After all the company is receiving benefit and I'm giving value above and beyond the normal expectation of a days work. If Ingram doesn't want to pay me overtime, why should I stay overtime? If Ingram doesn't want to go the extra mile why should I?

I want money I don't want tech time when I get perfect attendance. Show me your commitment to your employees with cash. I'm tired of hearing how much I'm appreciated when you are not prepared to put your money where your mouth is.

Everything we do in tech support is NOT average and is NOT the way the rest of the business world does things and I'm not happy that our pay and benefits continue to be eroded while our work load and job complexity continues to increase without a corresponding reward.

We should all be happy we are employed and I certainly am but I'm tired of being told how wonderful Ingram is whenever another cash benefit goes away.

SHOW ME THE MONEY don't give me your platitudes and empty words full of spin, cotton candy and fluff.

Hawkwynd.com whores out it's wares.. Online store now open for business

The Official Hawkwynd.com Online Store has officially gone live this morning with some kookie gifts and apparel with the hawkwynd.com logo.

So, now you can really help the site thrive and get some kewl stuff too for your hard earned greens! Buy everything listed and I'll put your name on a gift and send it to you.

Go shopping now!! NOW NOW!!!